My Lived Experiences with Autism and Double Standard

Michael J. Westwood
Feb 19, 2025
3 min read

As an autistic man, I've navigated a treacherous path, riddled with both triumphs and the sting of societal indifference. While I've experienced the cruelties of misunderstanding and the deliberate ignorance of my autistic tendencies, I've also had the fortune to access resources that have nurtured my growth into a confident and self-assured individual.

My social experiences, both within and outside the autistic community, have profoundly shaped my understanding of the social world. These experiences have led me to an undeniable truth: society harbors deeply ingrained double standards against autistic individuals, particularly those striving to acquire neurotypical social skills. These double standards demand immediate attention and radical change.

Let me illustrate with three glaring examples:

Reciprocal Conversations:
- I was rigorously trained in social skills therapy, learning that neurotypical conversations are a delicate dance of give-and-take (Orsini, et al., 2024). However, autism often presents unique challenges in this area, sometimes leading to conversations dominated by autistic individuals and their areas of intense interest. This, in my experience, is often met with immediate disapproval from neurotypicals.
- While I understand the importance of balanced conversation, I've witnessed neurotypical individuals exhibit self-centeredness in their interactions with alarming frequency. Yet, this is rarely met with the same level of criticism as it is within the autistic community. Autistic individuals, despite genuine care and kindness, are frequently labeled as "selfish" or "uncaring" for their communication style.
- This double standard is not merely hurtful; it's a profound injustice. It undermines the immense effort autistic individuals invest in learning neurotypical communication styles and devalues our genuine desire for connection. Research consistently reveals alarmingly high unemployment rates among autistic people, ranging from 50% to 90% (Weiner et al., 2022). This devastating statistic is directly linked to social communication challenges, highlighting a critical gap in societal understanding.
- The research underscores that these challenges manifest in various ways, from struggling to present oneself effectively in interviews to navigating the complexities of workplace social dynamics. It is a glaring indictment of our society's failure to accommodate neurodiversity. Many autistic individuals possess the skills and the drive to succeed in the workforce, but they are systematically hindered by a lack of understanding and support.
- These challenges are not confined to the workplace. Research indicates that teachers in general education classrooms often lack the necessary training and understanding to effectively support autistic students (Weiner et al., 2022). Combined with prevalent negative perceptions of autistic students, particularly those with more significant challenges, this creates a hostile learning environment. This leads to social isolation, diminished self-esteem, and significant academic setbacks for autistic students.
Unexpected Behaviors:
- Autistic individuals often exhibit "unexpected" behaviors, such as stimming (like arm-flapping), which are direct manifestations of neurological differences. These behaviors, frequently misinterpreted as "strange" or "inappropriate," have subjected me and countless others to judgment, ridicule, and even outright ableism.
- The double standard here is undeniable. Neurotypical individuals are often afforded significant leeway for their quirks and idiosyncrasies, while autistic individuals are harshly judged for behaviors that are often essential coping mechanisms or expressions of sensory needs. This highlights a fundamental lack of acceptance and understanding of neurodiversity.
Romantic Relationships:
- The challenges faced by autistic individuals in navigating the world of romance are particularly daunting. The stigma surrounding autism often leads to the perception of autistic individuals as unsuitable romantic partners. This pervasive belief creates a significant barrier to finding love and connection.
- Imagine finding romance as a neurotypical as climbing a gentle hill, while for autistic individuals, it's akin to scaling a treacherous, snow-covered mountain. This analogy starkly illustrates the disparity in the effort required to find love when facing the additional challenges of autism.
- The "friend zone" became an all-too-familiar and frustrating place for me, a consequence of the pervasive perception that my autism made me "just a friend." This experience, sadly, is not uncommon within the autistic community.

These are just a few examples of the insidious double standards that impede the full inclusion and acceptance of autistic individuals. By raising awareness, challenging societal assumptions, and fostering genuine understanding, we can work towards a more equitable and inclusive society where autistic individuals are valued for their unique perspectives and contributions.

The question now is not whether these double standards exist, but rather, how we, as a society, choose to address them. Are we content to perpetuate a system that marginalizes and devalues autistic individuals? Or will we choose to dismantle these barriers and create a truly inclusive world for all? The answer lies in our willingness to educate ourselves, challenge our biases, and embrace the richness of neurodiversity.