As a young child, my autism was not diagnosed until the age of nine. Therefore, any unexpected behaviors I exhibited were noticed by my family but were not connected to living on the autism spectrum.

I would self-stimulate as a toddler to the TV at home when my favorite TV show, "Barney The Dinosaur" was on by arm-flapping, but my mother did not think anything of it then. Following my autism becoming official, then therapy and being aware of my tendencies were more of a priority.

As a child going into my preteen years, my mother recalled having to explain to strangers why I was arm-flapping in public. I would also self-stimulate by skipping, as in being so excitable by my thoughts that I skipped in a dancing motion while arm-flapping. 

My elementary school peers were only informed of my autism in the fifth grade, so any unexpected behaviors I exhibited before fifth grade were reacted to with judgmental facial expressions and derogatory remarks.

Upon looking back at my time in elementary school, I noticed that my peers were reacting judgmentally and in a derogatory manner, and I responded by feeling hurt and misjudged.

However, due to my lack of self-advocacy skills at the time, as a young and yet-to-be diagnosed child, I did not say anything because I was not sure of how to articulate how hurtful the reactions were to me.

Going into junior high school, the verbal abuse escalated and my peers were as unkind as can be.

I did have some acquaintances in junior high, one of which was both verbally and physically abusive in one instance, but the majority of my peers at that time were as one would expect junior high school peers to be due to unexpected behaviors.

The reactions of my peers in junior high school were harsh, cruel, and demeaning most of the time, to the extent that I dreaded going to junior high school each day.

I was mistreated and made to look foolish in many social interactions due to my autism causing a lack of interpreting sarcasm and humor the intended way.

That verbal abuse took its toll throughout an entire grade, sixth to seventh, being subjected to the "r" word frequently and meanly by certain peers and being the brunt of a lot of sarcastic jokes at the same time, most of which I did not recognize was being teasing toward me at the time.

By the beginning of seventh grade, my self-esteem due to the verbal abuse took its toll to the extent that I considered the worst course of action imaginable.

However, I managed to feel enough self-worth to prevent that and, in an early instance of self-advocacy, informed the junior high school guidance counselor and my parents of my thoughts of the worst.

Upon my self-advocating, I was switched to a different school system and school, designed for students with severe disabilities and students with anger and behavioral issues.

Around this time, outside of school, I had two experiences, one in a public setting and one outside of my home, that reinforced the necessity for me to modify unexpected behaviors.

The experience in public was that I developed a habit of imaginative role-playing of myself in TV shows I enjoyed at the time, as well as verbally imitating those characters' voices in my voice, and I would exhibit that behavior in public on occasion.

I decided to exhibit the imaginative role-playing of the TV characters' voices, which others would perceive as unexpected, on a public beach my family and I often went to.

I distinctly recall one young man, who was a few years younger than me, giving me a judgmental facial expression, which was likely both discomfort and confusion, from my right-hand side, and my mother told me after we left the beach that day of another judgmental reaction of an older person.

As my mother sat at our beach towel, trying to gesture to me to stop the unexpected behavior, my mother overheard a teenage lady walking with her friend who happened to notice my unexpected behavior refer to me as "that "r" word boy."

After my mother told me that, when my mother and I both knew of my intelligence, it dawned upon me to modify that behavior in public more often.

The other experience at home involved the same behavior at the beach, but I exhibited that same behavior in my home backyard at that time.

As I arm-flapped and imitated the TV characters I was mentally imagining in my backyard, as my body was shifted away from the main road that my childhood home was adjacent to, I heard the very judgmental and mean-spirited reaction from someone driving by my home. That person shouted a very vulgar word at me that is usually directed at the LBGTQ+ community, a word that begins with an "f."

Upon that vulgar "f" word being shouted at me from within my own home by a judgmental and mean stranger, which my mother and younger brother overheard from inside our home due to how vocal that stranger was, I went inside feeling humiliated and ashamed, at which point, my mother was honest with me and said, "That is why we encourage you not to do that in public, Mike."

From then on, I made a concerted effort to modify my unexpected behaviors, which was indeed an effort since I was used to those unexpected behaviors from habit.

As I entered high school, the teasing continued in certain situations, such as the judgmental facial expressions due to my peers not recognizing the unexpected behaviors, and in a few instances, getting insulted out of miscommunications.

In one instance, as a high school freshman, I was in my special education classroom and a classmate was distracting me from a group lesson by being childish.

This classmate was two grades ahead of me, so due to being distracted, I did something unexpected and considered by others to be against social expectations and told on my classmate for being distracting to me.

Another classmate told the classmate that I told on him for the distracting behavior, at which point, the classmate I told on insulted me with a curse word and asked why I told on him.

I did not answer that question, because I knew why I told on him, but because the social expectations are to not tell on your classmates or friends, which I did not recognize due to the autism, I was made fun of through an insulting remark due to my choice. 

In another instance a few years later, in my junior year of high school, I enjoyed different styles of music, such as disco music. One day in my high school cafeteria, I began thinking of a disco song I enjoy, that song is "He's The Greatest Dancer" by Sister Sledge, and began arm-flapping and pacing in-between two cafeteria tables while singing that disco song.

It took a judgmental reaction from an underclassmen who noticed and gave me "that look" to get me to self-regulate the arm-flapping at that moment.

Eventually, with enough social skills therapy that my schools afforded me and choosing to modify the unexpected behaviors, I ended up making some friends at the tail end of high school and graduated with my peers.

One of the topics that social skills therapy covered was "unexpected behaviors," which I was very familiar with by then. That therapy was helpful to my social progression and maturity and allowed me to learn what I needed to learn to be "accepted" for who I was.

There were other miscommunications due to the unexpected behaviors, as well as other attributes related to autism and my personality, but with time, practice, and exposure, I learned some hard lessons and ended up earning some respect from others.

I have told how likeable I am when I am "myself." However, I still have a lot of trauma mentally and emotionally from the teasing from the unexpected behaviors as a child and teenager.

I have also learned to be more respectful to others, you have to give respect to get it back and earn it, and though I still may encounter a degree of scrutiny as an adult from the unexpected behaviors, I am self-aware now to know where it is okay to exhibit those unexpected behaviors and where behavioral modification is necessary.

I am working hard to learn the needed skills for future social opportunities, and I have learned that all I can do is be myself and learn lessons through trial and error.

I pride myself on my progress and determination and provided I continue that momentum, I can achieve a lot of good things as an adult due to my progression and learning from my experiences and trauma.

While I personally disagree with the behavioral modification in public notion, since I believe that those unexpected behaviors are necessary for people with autism to express who they are and for their functioning comfort, I understand the expectation of modifying the unexpected behaviors and modifying against my personal wishes.

I disagree with the notion of people with autism modifying their unexpected behaviors in public for two very integral reasons.

The first reason is that expecting people with autism to modify their unexpected behaviors is teaching the people with autism that the community as a whole is not perceived as adequate to socialize with and that people with autism are inferior to the neurotypical population if the unexpected behaviors are noticeable.

Those unexpected behaviors are part of the autism spectrum for a cognitive functioning purpose since autism impacts the brain and how those brains process in their own ways, so teaching people with autism that they need to "look like everyone else to fit in" is contradictory to embracing autism as a whole, including the unexpected behaviors.

The second reason is that people with autism are not bad people, socially and in general, due to unexpected behaviors. A lot of people with autism are quality people to talk to and be friends with, unexpected behaviors and all, even if the unexpected behaviors appear to look a certain and uncomfortable way to neurotypicals.

As a person with autism who lived through the misjudgment and ridicule of his neurotypical peers for most of his childhood, I have received the message of "Change yourself to make more friends and be similar to everyone else" for most of my life.

However, I do not want to change who I am, autism and all. I like myself for who I am, and unexpected behaviors are part of who I am due to living on the autism spectrum.

I wish my peers from my childhood understood that arm-flapping and all of my other unexpected behaviors were a part of my autism at the time and how I expressed myself due to the autism spectrum. As a result, I wish that my peers from that time would have been more educated, which is not their fault, it was not as educated about in general back then.

If there had been more education and understanding at that time, a lot of the misjudgment and ridicule I dealt with could have been avoided and I would not have the traumatic memories to figure out for myself all of these long years later.

I am responsible for my own healing, that is known, but it is a shame that that responsibility is there, to begin with, due to how unnecessary those experiences were to live through.

I carry that burden each day due to avoidable factors, and that aspect makes the healing process even tougher for me. I am trying each day to heal myself, and through my effort and opportunities now, that healing is getting easier as my life progresses.

Hopefully, with more education and understanding, the experiences I lived through in a traumatic fashion will serve as inspiration that if you live through those moments and work at it, you can learn from those moments and do better for yourself afterward.

It is still painful to mentally relive my trauma, because of my memory and emotional personality, however, I have chosen the high road from those options and I am persevering to set a good example now. 

When it comes to living on the autism spectrum, apart from the social communication barriers that make it harder for the autism community to learn, many challenges for people on the autism spectrum arise in the form of unexpected behaviors. Unexpected refers to behaviors that are apart from the established social norms and expectations that the neurotypical population adheres to and understands more innately than the autism community does.

One such example of these unexpected behaviors is how rigid people on the autism spectrum can be as far as their preference for a specific routine are concerned. This is the case, particularly in children on the autism spectrum, because children with autism become used to the style of routine that those children want to engage in each time. However, because the social norm calls for adjustments to those routines very often, children with autism can be prone to confusion and subsequent emotional outbursts to convey their frustrations over the modification in their routine.

An example of an adjustment I had to accept and live with growing up was my junior high school years and the instances when the bus I took to school would break down and my peers and I had to wait for the bus to be repaired, or for another bus to come and pick us up. That happened a few times, and there was one instance where a bus from a different school picked me up unexpectedly due to scheduling conflicts.

As a preteen on the autism spectrum, I felt very uncomfortable with that routine being interrupted and would experience a faster heartbeat, I would feel over-stressed and panicky, and I would process the "racing thoughts" that are common for people who live with autism and anxiety at the same time. I knew I had to adjust to those uncomfortable situations, so I practiced my self-regulation exercises and persevered through those moments with patience and willpower.

That concept isn't exclusive to children with autism, adults with autism are susceptible to the same habits and rigidity in routine, and for the adults with autism who exhibit more frequent outbursts, the combination of sudden adjustments and overbearing emotions can be overwhelming for those adults.

On top of the changes in routine, children and adults on the autism spectrum do not think or learn the same way as the neurotypical population, as neurotypical children gain experience through observing and then modeling expected social behaviors after those older than them.

The autism community learns through being verbalized and instructed on how to learn the expected social behaviors since autism causes the learning process of proper behaviors to be explained through trial and error.

For instance, for children with autism, learning to find hobbies that align with their ages takes practice and effort from support by people in the children with autism's lives. It may take a delayed amount of time for a child on the autism spectrum to progress from enjoying a television show designed for young children to hobbies that a teenager would be interested in.

This could result in barriers to developing friendships and conversations with neurotypical peers who find the person with autism to be too immature for their age.

People with autism often have an interest in their hobbies, often called a specialized area of interest and restricted interests since those on the autism spectrum often show a lack of interest in other potential hobbies, to the extent that their special interests become so appealing that the people on the autism spectrum do not consider reciprocating in the hobbies of others.

Since I was nine years old, my specialized area of interest has been professional wrestling. Before I progressed with reciprocating in a conversation, any conversation I engaged in involved my fandom of professional wrestling, to the extent that my family sometimes had to say, "Mike, can we change the topic now please." I have experienced social situations in which people just meeting me have asked why I watch wrestling so much, or in one instance, if wrestling "is all you do?"

In those situations, I reply that yes, wrestling is a lot of what I do as a hobby, but I have other interests as well, such as sitcoms, biographies and documentaries, and music. With the music, I listen to the same songs over and over again, since my interests in music are restricted to what I prefer, and the documentaries I enjoy mainly revolve around wrestling and my favorite wrestlers.

Before my specialized area of interest was professional wrestling, that special interest for me was Pokemon. From around age five to nine years old, I watched Pokemon shows and movies, and collected Pokemon training cards featuring the animated creatures with their special powers that they fought each other with.

My special interest in Pokemon as a young child, upon reflection, is very heartwarming in the aspect that the creator of Pokemon is also on the autism spectrum.

The creator of Pokemon is a man named Satoshi Tajiri, and his special interest derived from living with autism was insects growing up. Since Tajiri's autism allowed him to focus intensively on insects, he developed the concept of Pokemon, which is now a very well-regarded franchise spanning movies, TV series, and video games. Considering that Pokemon was started in 1996, nearly 30 years ago now, Tajiri's special interest served him very well that way.

That is not to suggest that Tajiri did not or does not deal with the challenges that autism creates, such as social communication and over-stimulation, however, with support and learning what works for Tajiri, Tajiri's autism has segued into a successful endeavor and worldwide acclaim due to Pokemon.

The restricted interests aspect of the autism spectrum could include adults as well, and thus, forming friendships with others becomes harder to achieve since the social expectation calls for conversations and reciprocity to be an implied part of developing relationships. Certain people with autism can learn to find other hobbies to improve social opportunities, but a good amount of the autism community struggles with that throughout their lives.

Another aspect of autism and unexpected behaviors that would benefit from increased understanding and awareness, especially for adults with autism, is the emotional side.

There are beliefs that people with autism do not possess any type of emotion, but to disabuse that belief, people with autism possess a powerful ability to emote, which often works against the expected social behaviors.

Many people with autism, especially those who exhibit more pervasive sides of being on the spectrum, get emotional very rapidly and aggressively in certain environments and scenarios. Due to this emotional irregularity and lack of skills to self-regulate until it is taught to them, people with autism experience episodes of intense frustration, and in some cases, unintended physicality toward others in what is often referred to as "meltdowns."

These "meltdowns" are caused by the people with autism processing so much stress within their brains due to a change in routine or an experience happening that they do not like, that the people with autism react against social expectation with a temper tantrum. 

Children typically have temper tantrums, and for teenagers and adults with autism, these emotional "meltdowns" manifest in a similar behavior.

These outbursts can occur in people with autism who are capable of self-awareness and who are intelligent as well, so the presentation of these "meltdowns" makes it appear as if the teenagers and adults are less mature than they are on their better days.

Fortunately, there are supports and therapies designed to address these "meltdowns," however, it takes practice and time for people with autism to mature through those moments.

Another unexpected behavior is referred to as self-stimulation, or "stimming." When people with autism are intensely processing their thoughts, their reaction is to engage in their "stimming" behaviors that to neurotypicals, appear odd and uncomfortable much of the time,

Examples of the self-stimulating behaviors of people with autism include hand movements (i.e. arm-flapping), rocking their bodies back and forth, pacing in circular movements, repeating words and phrases (the speech term for that repetition is called echolalia), humming, and covering their ears in loud environments.

The arm-flapping form of "stimming" is especially important to understand because arm-flapping is very common for people with autism, and the people with autism are subjected to a lot of verbal and emotional torment from their neurotypical peers due to a lack of understanding of why people with autism arm-flap to begin with.

As someone who arm-flapped in public for most of my childhood, I dealt with those judgmental and mean-spirited reactions from peers and teachers in school and in public in general.

There is a belief that arm-flapping makes people with autism look unintelligent when in reality, a lot of people with autism who arm-flap, including me, are intelligent and feel hurt when neurotypicals jump to the conclusion of, "That guy is flapping their arms, don't talk to him, he is weird."

That phrase of reaction to the arm-flapping is one I dealt with a lot growing up, and as a result, I have learned, against my desire, to self-control the "stimming" in public.

Fortunately, there are ways to support the autism community in learning to adjust to social expectations, such as by explaining what those social expectations are and strategies to make those adjustments more feasible and comfortable for people with autism to understand and accept.

As far as approaching people with autism with questions about their unexpected behaviors, from personal experience, I highly encourage the neurotypical population, particularly parents whose children might notice a person with autism engaging in self-stimulation, to tell their child that the person they are seeing is likely living with a condition called autism that is causing their brain to work differently and the behavior the child is seeing is the person with autism reacting to their brain working differently. 

I also recommend that a parent elaborate to their child in that scenario that the person with autism will be okay after their brain relaxes and that the behavior will stop once the person with autism calms down. The parent could also tell their child that it does not need to be uncomfortable for the child and that the behavior is widespread for people with autism. If the child hears that from their parent, it could deescalate potential concerns and unnecessary misjudgment between the autism and neurotypical communities.

One strategy could include a clear and verbalized explanation of how someone else might react to a particular unexpected behavior and a substitute choice of accepted behavior to appear less uncomfortable to others.

Since the autism community can learn from experience at a delayed pace, a strong and consistent support system can make a big difference in the person with autism's progress and development while understanding why the people with autism exhibit unexpected behaviors and supporting them unconditionally through modifying those behaviors. 

If both of those notions can be achieved, it will pay off for people with autism to be more well-rounded throughout their lives and afford them more opportunities for life and social happiness.

References:

https://www.verywellhealth.com/age-inappropriate-interests-and-behaviors-in-autism-5190904

https://www.verywellhealth.com/what-is-stimming-in-autism-260034

https://www.stepaheadaba.com/blog/satoshi-tajiri-autism