Autism And Self-Identity: A Coping Approach

Michael J. Westwood
6 days ago
4 min read

(Author's Note: This blog post is intended to be a general guide for the wider autistic community, since the whole autistic community could benefit from the material covered here).

The Reality of the Lifelong Journey

For many in the autism community, daily life is a complex navigation of social communication, executive functioning, and the "unexpected" behaviors that others often misjudge. While these hurdles can be managed through therapy, support, and sheer resilience, it is important to understand that being autistic is a lifelong reality. For some, it means a journey toward total independence and "owning" their identity; for others, it requires specialized, ongoing care.

I am a proud example of what is possible when effort meets opportunity. Through years of intensive training, I have mastered the integral skills of effective communication and self-advocacy. I have done this even when faced with derision from those who were uninformed, dismissive, or simply unwilling to understand a situation unfamiliar to them.

I take immense pride in having persevered through a plethora of challenges - from verbal abuse and a lack of societal understanding to the burden of living with an "invisible" condition. Too often, I have had to absorb the disrespect of those who were informed of my needs but remained too obstinate to comprehend them.

Resilience Amidst the Noise

While I am grateful for the unwavering support of my family and the resources that helped me navigate my youth, the mistreatment I faced left a lasting mark. It shaped a perception of the world that I carry with me today - a state of being simultaneously confident and fearful. I am confident in my development, yet I remain wary of the cynicism and misjudgment that my genuine kindness and autistic tendencies can elicit.

I accept this tension as part of my growth and accountability. Navigating these intense, often uncomfortable emotions is a heavy responsibility, but I know I am capable of it. The most vital tools I possess are self-respect and the skill-set to recognize that, even within unfair treatment, there is a profound opportunity for progress.

Why Self-Identity is a Catalyst for Change

Contrary to mainstream myths, autistic individuals are an incredibly self-aware group. Yet, we are often taught to "modify" the very things that make us unique simply to acclimate to the social expectations of others. There is a pervasive pressure for the neurodivergent community to suppress natural behaviors so as not to appear "uncomfortable" to the neurotypical majority.

Take my tendency to "arm-flap" as a prime example. While this behavior is not "bad" or "misbehavior," I have been encouraged since childhood to exercise self-control to avoid the judgment of the uninformed. This is a heavy burden to carry. For many of us, these actions are essential techniques to self-regulate an overwhelmed brain and soothe ourselves when the environment becomes too much to bear.

Some of these environments could include: a concert with loud crowds and loud music, a sports arena, given their size and audible sounds, a large crowd on a city street, such as New York or Los Angeles. Loud vehicles, such as a bus or other vehicle, could cause the same sensory processing challenges, since both environments and loud noises have the potential to disturb the sensory processing for the autistic community.

While there are other, more "socially acceptable" ways to regulate, it is demeaning to heap the expectation of constant self-control onto a community already navigating so many challenges. Why should we be forced to suppress a natural way to relax?

The Power of Owning the Label

Self-Identity as a Coping Mechanism

Choosing to see oneself through the lens of autism makes the pressure to acclimate much more tolerable.
Understanding the reality of "being in those shoes" allows for perseverance by viewing oneself as autistic rather than "broken."

Pride and Framework for Understanding

Pride in being autistic stems from how it defines a unique perception of the world and specific strengths as a communicator.
Embracing this identity provides a vital framework for self-knowledge and navigating a world that still lacks proper treatment for neurodivergent individuals.

Moving Beyond Resentment

The desire to stop feeling resentful about unique traits, skills, and work ethics that were previously overshadowed by the need to survive abuse.
Choosing self-acceptance over the emotional exhaustion and physical "knot in the stomach" caused by the misjudgment of others.

The Duality of the Experience

A sense of honor in finally achieving self-love after years of effort.
A sense of being demeaned by the extensive "education" still required to avoid being misjudged.
The frustration that while autistic people have earned respect many times over, they must still fight incredibly hard to receive it.

A Call to Action

I highly encourage you to utilize the resources available to learn about the autism spectrum. The more you comprehend these challenges, the better you will understand why self-identity is such a powerful tool for people like me. It allows us to carry the weight of our responsibilities while honoring our unique talents.

Education has reduced mistreatment to a degree, but it is not yet enough to ensure the comfort and safety of our community. I speak from the lived experience of someone who has worked extremely hard only to find that the world does not always work in my favor.

I am successful despite these challenges, and I am blessed to have had a supportive family and the right resources. But for others, the journey shouldn't have to be this hard. I encourage you to seek out education and offer your support. The autistic community has earned that respect through decades of resilience.

I am optimistic about my future, even if a part of me remains fearful. With a strong sense of self-identity and continued learning, I know I will continue to progress. I invite you to join me in creating a world where that progression is met with understanding rather than judgment.